Another Paid Day, Money Already Gone

Yes of course being on Social Security isn’t so easy sometimes. I live off it every month and Yea I could work but only part time or get paid in cash but nope! lol

It’s becoming harder every month now since my boyfriend keeps on depending on me for money. I have such a good heart and love helping out him but he works and all but he has his own money problems, you know?

Today I’ve made the mistake of texting him when I found out my check was in my bank account already. My plan was not to let him know about it but I did without thinking 1st šŸ˜¦ stupid me, I know.

He then picked me up and we were on our way to get food for me but he turn into Chase and I was like thinking to myself like “omg he hasn’t forgot” cause he needed money for his car payment so after I give him it i told him about my bills and what I need to pay but like always he’s was like “i need this money to pay my car payment” and he was throwing around “I love you”

So at lunch we had a little argument about it and I told him “You will break up with me if I took it back”: then he said ” when did i ever break up with you over money?” and I said “never but you’re always depending on me for money all the time and I have my own bills I gotta pay and get food” then he said “he’ll help me out when he gets money from a friend” and I said “yeah that’s what you keep on saying for the last 2 months but where is it at? i’m getting sick and tired of this i am” then he didn’t say nothing just went outside to smoke. when he left we still didn’t say nothing but all he said to me was “why do u gotta act like an ass?” and i said “what?” and he said “yeah gotta make me feel bad about this money and get on my ass about it” and i didn’t say nothing…so he took me home and said he has to do some things and find out what we will be doing tonight…

so just now I paid 128.00 just to get my cable back on because it was shut off and the full bill was 301.00 but couldn’t do that. and i paid my metropcs phone bill that was like 55.00 and after i paid my rent i would have about 90.00 to last me all month of January but like he said he’ll help me whenever his friend helps me out but i don’t care, if i have to go to the dollar store to get food and make it last all month then I would plus my birthday is coming up on the 10th and I wanted to go do something but I guess I can’t now….it’s my fault for being with a gold digger and I feel sorry for myself and only blame myself

Last Day Of 2011

Today is the last day of 2011. nothing too special about it cause tomorrow will be the same, nothing changes but only 4 little digits so I don’t know why people get all excited about tonight? I don’t get why people go to new york just to see a ball drop that will take 1 min to do.

I don’t get why people act like tonight is the only night to go out and have fun? When they can go out any other day, drink and have fun.

I really don’t get the point of new years eve but oh well I guess as the months & days get ready to repeat itself I hope it’s better then the last time around..

IS IT LOVE?

It’s Friday December 30, 2011 and I’m at home on the couch thinking about this year.

I can’t say this year has been easy for me. I started off the year being single and thinking my life would be different then any other year but it wasn’t.

I have to say the difficult part about my life is LOVE I find it, I put in 100% in the relationship then out of no where something happens then bye bye love haha.

In September I met somebody that I thought I could be with and be happy with more then anybody i’ve been with.

For the 1st 2months it was amazing and I felt loved and didnt have to worry about anything for the 1st time in my life….then towards the end of the 2 month he lost his job and thats when things started to change we stop hanging out everyday, calling each other and being there for each other…i thought it was the stress of losing a job and looking for one.

Once he found a job everything stay the same as if he wasn’t interested in me anymore. He was spending more time with his bff and going places with his friends without me.

So after the 3th month I told him how I felt about him spending more time with his friends, don’t feel like a real couple and barely any time with me then he said he’ll quit doing that and start spending time with me again.

But 3days later I got a surprise text from him telling me that his feeling have died for me….wow I was in shock didnt know what to say then 10mins later it was a different story he then told me he has so much going on in his life and can’t focus on anybody right now?…that was weird to me because I knew he doesn’t have anything in his life to beĀ focusingĀ more on…so then he told me that he wanted to be on a break so I said okay.

that was something new to me cause I never been on a break with anybody and I didnt know how it works so the next day I tried to ask him how this break works? Are we still faithful to each other? But I didn’t get no answer he just got mad so I said I guess its whatever then.

A week after being on a break and I was getting use to it….he text me and we were texting each other for a bit then out of the blue he text me “we’re back together” so I said okay..but since then he text me 3 different times on different days calling it off again, on a break or to much to handle right now.

So at this point I could really care less about him cause my feelings have died for him cause he’s been playing around like that so many times with my feelings. I help him out so much since we been together but thats going to stop cause I do think he’s talking to somebody else and think he’s only with me cause of my money…he said he’s not with me cause of my money BUT when we’re together that is all he talks about most of the time and when we have a fight or arguments and when I bring up money to him everything is fine then, you know what I mean?

Some days I feel unappreciated when I don’t see him and hearing he’s with his friends…but when i’m with him it’s different, you know?

everybody has their limits and I’m almost to mine with him…